So it's now cycle day 47.
I got my big fat negative on cycle day 32...no surprise because I had been told I hadn't ovulated. I was just there to confirm the negative and get my provera so I could move on to my next cycle. But then, surprise! I had ovulated, so I had to wait another week, take another pregnancy test, get another negative and then I would receive my provera.
Cycle day 40 rolls around, I go in and take my pregnancy test, get my big fat negative and then am told that my period is imminent so I don't need the provera to bring on a period. I can just wait and save myself the copay for the prescription.
But now it's cycle day 47 and I've been googling and now I'm alarmed (the dangers of google and webmd). Where is the period? How long can a luteal phase be? Do I have a luteal cyst which I now know is common with women taking Clomid (damn you, google!)? I call the RE's office this morning, explain that I ovulated sometime before day 32 and it's now day 47. They tell me to come right in, we'll do...you guessed it! another pregnancy test and then they'll give me provera to bring on a period. I'll believe they'll give me provera when I'm actually holding it in my hand. I just want to get this next cycle started already.
But what if....
I know, why am I doing this to myself? You're not pregnant! You know for a fact that your progesterone level already dropped. But I can't help it, I start daydreaming. What if I get to tell my husband tomorrow, on his 30th birthday, that he's going to be a dad? What if he opens his present and it's the special gift that reveals that I'm pregnant? What if, on the day of our 4th of July barbeque, I have horrible morning sickness? I imagine being in the midst of a conversation with my sister and suddenly it hits me. I rush to the bathroom with her following and while I'm puking, she realizes. "Oh my God, are you......" and I peek my head out of the toilet, smiling sheepishly and respond, "We weren't going to tell anybody yet."
What if, what if, what if.......I've had enough of the what ifs.