Saturday, October 31, 2009

Aquaphor, I love you

I didn't know about Aquaphor until I became a mom. I had heard of it, but just thought it was a super overpriced hand lotion. But, oh no, it's so much more than that and it's worth every penny.

I didn't know until my pedi told me that I'm not supposed to put baby lotion on babies when they're young...which seems like the perfect time to put it on them being as it is called baby lotion. You're not really supposed to put much of anything on them, except clothes and diaper rash cream. And Aquaphor.

Aquaphor is the duct tape of the baby world. It can be put on scratches resulting from little baby fingernails, irritated neck creases, diaper rash, minor skin irritations and dry patches. And it's awesome on my super dry hands from washing 7,412 times a day and sanitizing them 1,893 times per day.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Elmo's gone rogue

Somewhere in Cincinnati, there is the Pampers headquarters.
And somewhere in the Pampers headquarters, there is the design department.
And somewhere in the design department, there is a 21 year old guy.
And he is laughing at me.

Here's why:
BabyJaguar, being the husky little beast that he is, has been in the size 3 Pampers for a while now. And the size 3s present a new challenge. Rogue Elmo. I previously referred to him as Wandering Elmo but, as time goes on, I find him to be more menacing hence the name change.

There is where the 21 year old guy comes into the picture. He's clearly new to the job, has no children of his own and likes to stir up trouble. Because he has made the decision that on some of the size 3s, Elmo will be on the front. And on others, the back. Elmo now shows up in different places and different sizes just to mess with me.

How do I know he's a 21 year, childless man? Because no mother in her right mind would start screwing around with new, exhausted moms in the middle of the night who are changing their children in the semi-dark by placing Rogue Elmo in different places all over the diaper. This is exactly how new, exhausted moms put their children in diapers backwards.

Damn you, Elmo. Damn you.

And 21 year old, childless, new guy. I will find you. One day....I will find you.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Looking back

This is from his first days on the outside. He really doesn't even do anything in the video but it's one of my favorites. I love this kid.


with my previous post. This picture of sick baby and caring momma is grossly inaccurate for several reasons. Let's investigate...
  • This baby appears peaceful. Sick BabyJaguar was not a peaceful child. Sleeping was work for him because he was so stuffed up.
  • This baby does not have his mouth wide open to help him breathe because he sounds like a little mini-Darth Vader.
  • This baby does not have bodily fluids leaking from every hole on his face, including his eyes because why wouldn't a horrible cold have to include pinkeye as well?
  • Either the momma has really great skin or she's wearing makeup. I vote that she's wearing makeup. No part of my days with a sick baby included makeup. This included any visits to the pediatrician. And the dark circle under my eyes from too little sleep looked hot with no cover up on.
  • And finally, this momma doesn't have vomit in her hair that's been there since the wee hours of Saturday morning and, oh my God, it's now Sunday afternoon and I still haven't showered because I've been taking care of BabyJaguar. Where's her vomity, crunchy hair?

See what I mean? Inacurate picture, grossly inacurate.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


I was reading an article today about colds, flu and swine flu in babies. According to this article's photographs, this is a momma and baby when baby is sick:
I would like to take a moment to say that this photo is complete bull. I can speak from experience on this one as we are now on cold #2. I do not look anything like said woman nor does my son look said baby. Let's discuss the reality of sick babies in bullet form:
Wait, I can't. The baby just woke up. I'm not even kidding...