Sunday, June 29, 2008

BYOK (bring your own kid)

A couple weeks ago, Joe and I went to a birthday party thrown by our friends, Adam and Nancy, for their one year old daughter. This was right after we found out that Tom and Kathy were pregnant. I had some anxiety about attending as I often do now when I go to any function where I'm supposed to make small talk with people who don't know about our infertility. I'm just not into it. It so often leads to questions about do we have kids or when will we have kids or do we want kids.

In preparation for the party, I nested that morning and we came up with socially inappropriate responses to random people's questions about when my husband and I plan to have children. Some of the highlights were:

1. I'm not sure, I think something might be wrong....see it started with all this vaginal itching and then this weird discharge. What do you think?

2. Oh gosh, me no, it would just be too confusing, trying to sort out all of the 'Baby Daddy' stuff.

3. I've been trying but it's not working. What positions did you use to have your kids?

4. I don't know...I'm really still sowing my wild oats. Y'know, sleeping around, doing drugs.

5. No, we're not ready, so we just have anal sex.

Later that day, Tom, Kathy, Joe and I all arrived to this party at the same time and were kind of just lingering in the doorway. The place was a mob scene. It looked like Elmo threw up everywhere. There were stranger children running amuck. Who the hell even knows this many kids? I'm a teacher and I know less. There were strollers, diaper bags and sippy cups everywhere I turned. It did not look like a promising place for an infertile to relax.

Adam saw us from across the room and came over to greet us. As he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, he said, "Congratulations on the baby!" Huh??? "Oh, not you. Kathy. I'm sorry, I mixed you two up." Adam then proceeded to go over and hug Kathy and congratulate her on her pregnancy.

Wow. I was stunned. That really stung. I hadn't even made it through the doorway and the first comment I get right out of the gate is congratulations on my phantom baby. This was going to be one hell of a party. I asked myself if I was going to cry, but determined that, surprisingly, I wasn't. The comment made me sad, don't get me wrong. It's just that it was also so insanely ridiculous that it somehow, in a bittersweet way, crossed over to funny.

My next thought was, "The nesties are not even going to believe this!"

The party continued...there was cake and a pinata and what seemed like six thousand children running around. The four of us were the only ones there (not exaggerating) who did not bring a kid or were not grandparent to a kid in attendance. There was no alcohol which personally really would have helped the situation. We left early, thank goodness.

Upon arriving home, I immediately got on the nest to post the latest. The response: " Crap, we totally didn't prepare you for that one! We only prepped for 'when are you going to have them'!"

Next time, I'm going to have to study harder. Maybe there's some kind of prep book you can buy, like when you have to take the SAT.


Stephanie said...

OMG, there should totally be a prep book for questions you might be asked while having TTTC or dealing with IF! We should make one!

I'm sorry, that sucks that he said that to you. I would have probably not handled it so well. A part of that nature would be nowhere on my radar right now.

Keep hangin' on Jacki. (((hugs))) ♥

I Believe in Miracles said...

Just found you on the blog roll. That sucks. No other way around it.

My favorite to when are you having kids... oh I don't know, but we enjoy practicing!

R said...

I always tried to use the "Babies come when they want to," but I am liking your responses much more. The sewing your wild oats one is great. Thanks for sharing.