Monday, June 23, 2008

Hope against hope

Dare I be so foolish as to hope? Unfortunately, yes. Against my wishes, I have become hopeful that maybe, just maybe, my period hasn't arrived because I am pregnant. As I await my period from the your-Clomid-cycle-is-not-really-a-bust-and-we-were-just-tricking-you-cycle, I am preparing for the news of a big fat negative, but that little voice in the back of my head (and my heart) is starting to whisper, "maybe". Bleh.....

I had previously (and obviously) ruled out all possibility of a positive pregnancy test when I didn't ovulate. Then I ruled it out once again when, upon learning that I did in fact ovulate, I remembered that I had killer sunburn and did not fool around with my husband as a result. However....I did have sex one time post-sunburn-on-thighs but pre-news-that-I-ovulated, so maybe........

The million dollar question is, when did I ovulate? Was it before or after that one time? I don't know. All I know is that I ovulated sometime between cycle days 21 and 32.

Am I feeling lucky?

No, not really.

I was supposed to go for my blood test this morning, cycle day 39. I bailed out. Tomorrow I will go and get my answer. On a sidenote, can I also say that I hate that it costs me $20 to get a negative result? It should be free unless you get a positive because you're already paying for the negative in tears.

P.S. I even peed on a stick (stop judging me!). I don't even know how many days post ovulation I actually am, but I wasted money to pee on a stick. I couldn't resist. I wonder if it's the same if you just pee on a regular stick like from the backyard. Then I could satisfy my need to pee on things while still being economical and not having to see that single, lonely, stupid line.


Stephanie said...

Hope is such a tricky thing. We want to have it, but when we do it often hurts us in the end. :( Sorry you have to go and pay money for the test. And perhaps peeing on sticks from the back yard is a good alternative. I wonder if the bark would turn colors or something. ?? Hang in there Jacki. I'm thinking of you often and sending lots of love and prayers your way.

RM said...

Do you know about the Dollar Tree pregnancy tests? They're only a buck! Pee away... (if you don't know where one of their stores is, you can plug in your zip code on the site...)