Friday, August 28, 2009

Can't sleep

I should be sleeping because BabyJaguar is sleeping and the rule of mommyhood is sleep when the baby sleeps and instead I'm up. Up thinking about how I have to return to work on Tuesday. Up thinking and crying.

I went to a good friend's house tonight and was shocked to find her daughter standing, a new accomplishment of the last few days. And then she crawled over to me, another new accomplishment of the week. I even got to watch the video of the first time she stood and cried tears of joy and pride for her great accomplishment.

And then more tears of sadness for myself and BabyJaguar over the firsts I know I'm sure to miss.

I had no idea how much this would hurt. How hard this would be. How much my heart would ache.

3 comments:

Erica said...

Sending you a hug.

Amy said...

I feel you. I'm feeling the same way too. I've been back at work for 8 weeks...and it isn't any easier.

myaruminations said...

The days leading up to going back are some of the hardest. It does get better though.

One of the best things my daycare does is not tell us when she has a first at daycare. That way we can always be surprised and excited when we see a new skill for the first time at home.