I should be sleeping because BabyJaguar is sleeping and the rule of mommyhood is sleep when the baby sleeps and instead I'm up. Up thinking about how I have to return to work on Tuesday. Up thinking and crying.
I went to a good friend's house tonight and was shocked to find her daughter standing, a new accomplishment of the last few days. And then she crawled over to me, another new accomplishment of the week. I even got to watch the video of the first time she stood and cried tears of joy and pride for her great accomplishment.
And then more tears of sadness for myself and BabyJaguar over the firsts I know I'm sure to miss.
I had no idea how much this would hurt. How hard this would be. How much my heart would ache.