Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Where do you start...

when so much has changed?

Honestly, I'm not sure. I'm trying to rewind, go back to the beginning. It's been tough not being able to write as I go since I've been on bedrest with no laptop. I think this could take a lot of posts....

A few weeks ago, I was driving home. I still remember exactly where I was on the road, coming around a corner and approaching a stop sign. Right at that exact moment, my own voice popped up in my head.

"I'm pregnant," it said. Quite matter of fact. Just a simple statement. Initially, I smiled and kind of let it repeat itself. I'm pregnant. I know I'm pregnant. I just am. It's not hope, it's a fact. And then my next thought arose...

What the hell??!! Knock it off! I chided myself for letting me feel and think that idea so confidently, shoving the pregnancy statement down deep under lots of other internalized bullsh!t we all carry around. Infertile people have no business thinking "I'm pregnant" thoughts so simmer down, Jacki Jaguar, simmer down.

But you know what? That little thought kept popping back up all that week, my own little private Jack-in-the-box interrupting the daily humdrum.

2 comments:

Stephanie said...

And that thought was SO right!!!

Sweet Spikette said...

intuition is an amazing thing.
congratulations!!