Aquaphor, I love you

I didn't know about Aquaphor until I became a mom. I had heard of it, but just thought it was a super overpriced hand lotion. But, oh no, it's so much more than that and it's worth every penny.

I didn't know until my pedi told me that I'm not supposed to put baby lotion on babies when they're young...which seems like the perfect time to put it on them being as it is called baby lotion. You're not really supposed to put much of anything on them, except clothes and diaper rash cream. And Aquaphor.

Aquaphor is the duct tape of the baby world. It can be put on scratches resulting from little baby fingernails, irritated neck creases, diaper rash, minor skin irritations and dry patches. And it's awesome on my super dry hands from washing 7,412 times a day and sanitizing them 1,893 times per day.

Elmo's gone rogue

Somewhere in Cincinnati, there is the Pampers headquarters.
And somewhere in the Pampers headquarters, there is the design department.
And somewhere in the design department, there is a 21 year old guy.
And he is laughing at me.

Here's why:
BabyJaguar, being the husky little beast that he is, has been in the size 3 Pampers for a while now. And the size 3s present a new challenge. Rogue Elmo. I previously referred to him as Wandering Elmo but, as time goes on, I find him to be more menacing hence the name change.

There is where the 21 year old guy comes into the picture. He's clearly new to the job, has no children of his own and likes to stir up trouble. Because he has made the decision that on some of the size 3s, Elmo will be on the front. And on others, the back. Elmo now shows up in different places and different sizes just to mess with me.

How do I know he's a 21 year, childless man? Because no mother in her right mind would start screwing around with new, exhausted moms in the middle of the night who are changing their children in the semi-dark by placing Rogue Elmo in different places all over the diaper. This is exactly how new, exhausted moms put their children in diapers backwards.

Damn you, Elmo. Damn you.

And 21 year old, childless, new guy. I will find you. One day....I will find you.

Looking back

This is from his first days on the outside. He really doesn't even do anything in the video but it's one of my favorites. I love this kid.

Continuing....

with my previous post. This picture of sick baby and caring momma is grossly inaccurate for several reasons. Let's investigate...

• This baby appears peaceful. Sick BabyJaguar was not a peaceful child. Sleeping was work for him because he was so stuffed up.
• This baby does not have his mouth wide open to help him breathe because he sounds like a little mini-Darth Vader.
• This baby does not have bodily fluids leaking from every hole on his face, including his eyes because why wouldn't a horrible cold have to include pinkeye as well?
• Either the momma has really great skin or she's wearing makeup. I vote that she's wearing makeup. No part of my days with a sick baby included makeup. This included any visits to the pediatrician. And the dark circle under my eyes from too little sleep looked hot with no cover up on.
• And finally, this momma doesn't have vomit in her hair that's been there since the wee hours of Saturday morning and, oh my God, it's now Sunday afternoon and I still haven't showered because I've been taking care of BabyJaguar. Where's her vomity, crunchy hair?

See what I mean? Inacurate picture, grossly inacurate.

Sick

I was reading an article today about colds, flu and swine flu in babies. According to this article's photographs, this is a momma and baby when baby is sick:

I would like to take a moment to say that this photo is complete bull. I can speak from experience on this one as we are now on cold #2. I do not look anything like said woman nor does my son look said baby. Let's discuss the reality of sick babies in bullet form:

Wait, I can't. The baby just woke up. I'm not even kidding...

Fuck her

The babysitter quit last Thursday. She'll stay until I find somebody else. But who the hell wants to send their kid to a woman who you know doesn't want to spend time with him?

Babysitter #1 is our friend's sister. She was watching two children (our friend's daughter and another child) and was eager to add BabyJaguar to her responsibilities. She had him every week day except Thursday. On day seven of watching the boy, she asks me to see if I can change her schedule to have Wednesdays off instead. I tell her I don't think I can do that but I figure it out by day 9 and tell her she can have Wednesdays off instead of Thursdays. She declines. WTF? On day 10, she quits. Her reason? "He cried a lot today. And when I picked him up, he'd stop so I know he was fine." Ummmm....yeah, he's a four month old who's getting over a cold, got vaccines last night and is teething. He may occasionally have days when he needs some extra love. I'm so sorry you had to show affection to my child. Fucking asshole. It seems that the third child is the straw that broke her back. She cannot fit a third carseat in her car and it leaves her stuck at her house. Her 3rd grade daughter forgot her lunch that day and she couldn't bring it to her so she had to call her mother-in-law because her daughter couldn't eat the sandwich or cereal that the school would provide to her child due to the forgetten lunch. What a crisis of mass proportions. I'm surprised I didn't feel the Earth stop on its axis.

So now I'm looking for a new sitter. So far I found two possibilities: one who is just up the road from my job but watches up to seven children at a time (when my kid is too young for both the regular and H1N1 flu shot) and one who is totally and completely out of the way but would only be watching BabyJaguar, leaving me driving a lot of miles each day but with peace of mind that he's not catching every bug in sight.

We'll see how this all unfolds. It may involve me throat punching my original sitter.

I need to win the lottery

Work was awful today. Like crying by 9:30 in the morning awful.

But the thing was, it wasn't that awful. Like nothing so horrible happened that I shouldn't have been able to recover, but I couldn't recover. I'm still on the edge of tears and have been for most of the day. I woke up ridiculously tired, my daycare lady is trying to change our schedule after only working eight days, my principal is trying to make my rearrange my classroom furniture, and I couldn't pump in the morning because I had a meeting where I had to argue about what is considered appropriate testing for my special ed students. And I may have used the word "stupid" at least five times in that last conversation, not about my students, but about the fact that the district requires me to test my students using material that is way too hard for them. Sure, it was a heck of a bumpy morning, but I should've been able to bounce back.

But I couldn't. I couldn't because returning to work is so much harder than I thought it would be. I hate it. This was my first full week as the last two were only two days and then four days. These last five days were so hard. For one, I'm exhausted. BabyJaguar still rarely sleeps through the night and lately has been waking up twice instead of once, leaving me dead tired on most days. Second, pumping at work is taking its toll. I try to pump three times a day. I always pump on my prep period and at lunch. Plus, I also pump either early in the morning or sometime after lunch depending on when the boy last ate in the morning. This cuts my lunch and prep period in half, twenty minutes apiece. It's not enough time. It's not enough time at all. I don't have enough minutes in the prep to get done everything I need to do and I don't have enough minutes in the lunch to regain my sanity. There's no down time. Ever. Sometimes, I just cry in the closet while I'm pumping because I'm feeling so overwhelmed. Also, I have a mediocre milk supply so I'm always stressing about how many ounces I'm pumping. I need to start addressing that.

I just want to be home with my baby so badly. Not worrying about pumping or washing a billion bottles, not constantly rushing, not wanting to shatter my alarm clock at 6 am. I just want to be home taking care of Ben.

When I was at home full time, I had one job: mommy. And I was good at it. Now I have two jobs: mommy and teacher. And I feel like I kinda suck at both of them. I'm too tired and don't have enough minutes in my day to be successful.

I know this will get easier. But right now, it feels impossible.